Monday, October 3, 2011

i'm comin' out.....

Not literally...calm down ladies, I'm married! So... I have decided to free myself of some of my very own best kept secrets about myself. My close friends will most likely know these things about me, but the majority of people don't because...well...they are just plain, downright EMBARRASSING! But going along with my efforts in continuing to 'NOT GIVE A FUCK' for lack of a better phrase, I decided to let a few of them out for the world errr... the two people that regularly read my blog to see. So here we go....in order from "omg I can't believe I'm revealing this" to "I'd rather die than admit this! Seriously, why am I doing this to myself!".........

FIVE: Fact or Teen Fiction...

I have a seriously sick obsession with teen fiction and fall in love with fictional characters on the regular. I never really saw a problem with this even though I am 26 years, until I had a conversation with my equally as embarrassing cousin, Ashley while she was browsing at B&N. We had recently read Twilight and became as obsessed as a sheltered emo 12 girl year old whose subscribes to Teen Bop and still believes that LOVE will solve all her problems. (You can't really blame her though because if a hot ass vampire decided to give YOU the best sex of your life, make every girl hate you out of jealousy and on top of that grant you immortality, you would think life was pretty perfect yourself!) Anyways, we were discussing how the next series we should read should be "Twilight Good" and finally gave in and decided to read Harry Potter. We had read ten or twelve books directly from the teen section that had SUCKED terribly.  Marked, L.A. Candy, If I Stay were just a few of the crappy teen books we tried to get that Twilight feeling from. All failures and the list of the embarrassing titles goes on and on... but I'm not going to get too into that as I still hope to have a shred of dignity left after this is posted. Anyways she was scouring through the teen section making comments like "my niece will love this one" and "buying a gift for teens these days is so hard" all the while looking desperately for The Sorcerer's Stone. She finally caved and had to ask a store associate who proceeded to walk her over to the CHILDREN'S SECTION and point out its location out next to "Harold the Duck". It was then that we realized this obsession should be forever hidden from the world and all purchases of books found in the teen or children's sections (yikes) should be made through Amazon. Haven't stepped foot in a bookstore since...well that's not entirely true, but I sure as hell haven't stepped foot in the teen section.

P.S. The Hunger Games is an AMAZING series.

P.S.S. Team Edward, baby!


FOUR: A Tit for a Tat..

I have two tattoos, both have been a bit of a problem for me for different reasons. The first tattoo is a fat sun with a dopey looking face that I got when I turned 18. The color and shading is beautiful, but the "artist" screwed up one of the eyes, so it's cross-eyed. This annoys the ever-living shit out of me because when people compliment me, I immediately feel the need to tell them it's cross-eyed which ruins the entire idea of having a piece of art to display on yourself because it just looks stupid.
So tattoo two is awesome. It's a phrase in Arabic that means a lot to me. What's the phrase you ask? Ask me on a good day and I may possibly be able to tell you. I love the damn thing and it looks awesome, but half the time I can't remember what it says which leads to some pretty embarrassing situations.... For the record it says "Avoid evil and it will avoid you". It was one of those "if I have to sit and wait for you to get tatted, I'm getting tatted too" spur of the moment kinda deals. In fact, it was so spur of the moment that I translated it for free on a English to Arabic site. That takes balls right there, actually it takes a stupid fuck to get permanently inked with a phrase that may or may not be correct.... I was at HEB about a year ago when a Lebanese old man came up to me and asked about my tattoo. Thankfully it was all spelled and phrased correctly because I sure as hell couldn't tell him what it said.

THREE: Read my Diary...I Dare You...

I lie in my diary. Not because I'm a crazy loon or anything, but because I am paranoid that someone will read it and find out about all my dirty little secrets. So when I die and my kids read my diary or it is sent to a museum to help explain life in the in the 21st century, just know it is ALL bullshit. So go ahead and read it.

TWO: I've been Diagnosed with OCOAPUSD! It sounds serious......oh and it is!

I have a serious case of Obsessive Compulsive Over Analytical Planning of Unimportant Shit Disorder. I plan everything that is unimportant. If I am in a stressful situation with a text from a crappy friend, I immediately call Ashley and make a plan to answer it perfectly. We also go over all the possible ending outcomes of situations or what could possibly happen so that we are prepared for every obstacle thrown our way, however, we are always wrong and there is always that one scenario that we left out that leaves our detailed plans burning in a huge pile of shit. So basically, if I am fighting with someone about some nonsensical shit, you are actually fighting against two minds. So I salute you if you win. Ashley and I have suffered losses before, but we are a force to be reckoned with because we are fucking insane. And by "insane" I mean like actually insane. Who does what we do?! Crazy people...that's who!

ONE: Wow, I'm a Nerd. LoL

Okay so here it is people... My number one best kept secret (excluding close friends and fam...I tell y'all's dumb asses way to much):

Drum roll please.......................................................................................................................


I, Kaitlin Crews, am a CLOSET GAMER. Too most of you this isn't any kind of news, but if you understood the nerd world a little bit better, you would understand WHY I carefully select friends and family to tell about my little... okay fucking HUGE obsession with....are you ready for this folks......WORLD OF WARCRAFT! World of Warcraft is so addicting it has ruined marriages, torn families apart, led to sleep deprivation, countless fights and super crazy hermit qualities. This is all very true. Read this and all the comments if ya need some proof! So...my marriage is fine and everything because I hide my obsession well....well I did until now. Thankfully my husband can't stand reading my blogs. So I doubt I'll get any shit for dedicating a post to what a loser I am. LOL<------Speaking of LoL or as my fellow gamers call it League of Legends, I haven't played that one in a good two weeks, but let me tell you...that game is amazing....

P.S. I have a great marriage and family life, but life is always better with WOW! :)  Calm down...I'm joking people...well kinda ;)

***************************************************************************
Okay being this raw is harder than I thought, so I am just going to stop blogging now to avoid any further embarrassment. But FUCK I feel FREE! I will not be a slave to my embarrassment any longer! :)

3 comments:

  1. Hahaha you crack me up! I love the thing about your fake diary! Have you watched Bridesmaids yet? If not we will plan a girly night to watch it. There is a funny part about reading someone's diary hehe!

    PS TEAM JACOB!!!!!!!

    Although I have heard Hunger Games is supposed to be excellent. Aren't they also coming out with a movie?

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is why I love u and why we share wayyy too much with each other bc I already know all of these truths. And you know more than anyone that I am too a closet nerd, teen story line lover, vampire obsesser, and avid paranoid freak. Lol and having a "fuck it" attitude an sharing everything without feeling obligated or judged is something I think everyone needs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And please disregard any spelling and grammatical errors bc I am writing this on my phone.

    ReplyDelete